i dont really know how to start ranting how bad my life was so far since the start of 2011,
it WAS good intially.. turn out heaven is just making fun of me again.
time and time again, i prove myself to be a 苦命恋人. my relationships were never smooth sailing.
i have 2 best friends that are married, seeing them have stable relationships of course influence me alot.
just now i was deleting a blog post that i posted on sunday, seeing the photos posted up, makes me heartache and be emo all over again.
ok, i was attached on 1 Jan, but it blew off jus 2 days ago.
i mean, of cos i'll be ok in time to come, the process is very torturing dont u all agree? I believe many of u have faced heartbreaks before. I had my fair share of heart breaks. Come to think of it, its jus a month right? whats there to be so heartbroken about?
the reason is bcos, this relationship ended when i start to put in all my feelings and when i finally THOUGHT that i found the one for me.
now that it has ended, i still cannot find the exact reason for this breakup, im not gg to bother typing it here, i jus find it quite weird and its not jus any common breakup reason.
so well, for e past 2 days, i've gone through the normal stuff, crying, writing damn emo messages on twitter and my fb, have many random heart ache feelings whenever i think of him, looking at our photos and cry but have to delete them. then my best friends have to take leave from work to visit me, drag me out of my house, trying to convince me that com'on its over, don ponder over it, they too, thought that i finally met the right guy.
this blog post isnt about writing what a jerk he was or whatsoever, he was very nice to me.
in fact none of my ex bfs treated me e way he does, he was so nice to me till it made me feel that im not treating him good enough, but i was heartbroken when i knew that he was actually trying. he would hav told me earlier about the problem, i would have done something about it, i would want to make it work cos i love him with all my heart. turns out this fairytale was jus a joke.
i thought convincing myself that he is a jerk might help me move on, but it jus worsen everything. im glad that i get to sort things out with him and we are sort of friends. funny right? i actually feel better this way, jus like im friends with my first bf (: its jus that i need some time to adjust my mindset.
my senior told me "the funny thing about true love is you can love the person with all your heart, at the same time, accept their flaws without complain" i think its true (:
and now i believe what goes round comes around. i feel that i didnt give in my all to my ex bf, i hurt him quite badly when i broke up with him last november, i think now im going thru what he had gone thru. karma maybe?
i learn something after every failed relationships, time and time after broken relationship, i began not to give in my all to my next relationship cos maybe i have phoebia? this one hit me quite hard bcos i kind of put in alot too fast. and now i learn that we shouldnt move on too fast, if u think u like this person, it might jus be jus an affection, take time to be friends first. how i wished i said no on 1 jan 2011.
but regret is the last thing that should come across my mind, because its over already.
No 2 person is made for each other, u might love his 80%, the other 20% consists of compromising and accepting without feeling forceful. i can do it, but he can't i guess. and he never thought of giving us a chance to try to make it work.
im not trying to gain attention typing all these, or to gain sympathy etc. this is my blog and im jus feeling so miserable right at this moment. im so bloody hell sad like mad now, BUT SO WHAT?
my best friends knew me since i was with my first bf which was abt 6 yrs ago, this is the 4th time and the worse breakup they've seen, they console me time n time after, they're not tired doing this but im freaking tired facing these breakups.
so difficult to be a good gf, treat yr bf too good is a sin too. so what should i do? treat bf like shit isnt the way, i'll jus take it as they never really did appreciate it.
im really tired of relationships, i realise i didnt really stop and take a break. now its time, bcos im turning 23 this year already, no more play play here and there (i never did but.......)
people might think "aiya say say only, later a few weeks later pop out another bf"
trust me, i blog it here. means i can do it.
i have a whole lot other plans coming up, he is right. its time to treat myself better.
be a grown up and stop tearing already. now its time to do things for myself!
p.s i jus need some time can? :(